


the experience of being straight, neurotypical, conventionally attractive teens featuring dave strider and karkat vantas

by keroseneparadise



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22412902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keroseneparadise/pseuds/keroseneparadise
Summary: In which Texas is too small to be Hell and too full to be Heaven.
Relationships: Dave Strider & Kankri Vantas, Dave Strider & Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Kankri Vantas & Karkat Vantas, The Signless | The Sufferer & Karkat Vantas
Comments: 5
Kudos: 85





	1. texting! for when talking is too intimate

Karkat was hot because it was summer in Texas, and everything is hot by then. He sat next to Dave in the empty car lot of his Dads' restaurant, waiting for said father to go on break so he could give them a ride, but either he forgot or his schedule changed because they'd sat there for an hour yet the world remained utterly still. It would have been a simple matter, getting up. But they were too hot (temperature-wise) to move, or at least Dave was, and Karkat was too hot (not temperature-wise) for the suggestion to cross his mind anyways. 

Using what little shade was offered by the tall, rough tree they were half-leaned against, Dave busily pre-occupied himself, trying to pretend he wasn't glancing in the other boys' direction every minute or so. It was hard to believe the guy had lived in Texas for the past ten years, considering he still couldn't handle the heat, but then again, it was unseasonably warm. From his side of the bark, Karkats' brows pushed together, beginning to type away at his phone. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: I DON'T THINK HE'S COMING  
TG: doesn't look like it.  
TG: also just out of curiosity why are we texting when were like two feet away   


Karkat shuffled, grunting as he continued to busily type. 

CG: TALKING TO YOU "IN REAL LIFE" TAKES COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY *NORMALLY*.  
CG: LET ALONE WHEN THE ENTIRE STATE IS LITERALLY ON FIRE.  
TG: fair enough  
TG: i cant really blame the earth for trying to wreck our shit but its a personal preference of mine to die next to an AC  
TG: should we grab your dad?  
CG: NOT WORTH IT.  
CG: I DOUBT IT WAS AN ACTIVE DECISION ON HIS PART, LEAVING US TO DIE AND ALL  
CG: BUT BOTHERING HIM WON'T GET US ANYWHERE CONSIDERING HIS BREAK IS LONG OVER BY NOW  
TG: goddamn it  
TG: we should at least go inside  
CG: BE MY GUEST  
CG: BUT I GUARANTEE THE AIR CONDITIONING IS STILL FUCKED  
CG: *AND* IT SMELLS LIKE FISH  
TG: fuck.  
TG: so whaddo we do then?  
TG: just sit here like dogs locked in a hot sedan until your dad gets off work in the next like  
TG: six hours?  
CG: SEVEN.  
CG: BUT UNLESS YOU HAVE A BETTER PLAN, I GUESS?  
TG: you think having a stroke is a good excuse for not doing my bio homework?  
CG: FUCK NO.  
CG: SHITS SO COMMON YOU'D BE BETTER OFF TELLING HER YOUR BROTHER ATE IT AGAIN  
TG: first of all he didn't eat it he pissed on it, so jot that down  
CG: THAT DOES NOT HELP AT ALL.  
TG: second of all isnt your house like two blocks from here?  
TG: which is around a mile counting for inflation but still  
TG: our odds are probably better trying to walk the distance than they are staying here  
TG: where i'm assuming wed spend the next six hours waiting to start sweating blood  
TG: which is i guess as good of an outcome as any? maybe hematohidrosis would make for a better doctors note  
TG: check it mrs. maryam, oh yeah ive been out for like a week no biggie  
TG: where you ask? well me and my number one bro had to visit the ER after we sat on our asses so long the blood-sweat kicked in  
CG: I'M PRETTY FUCKING SURE THAT ISN'T HOW HEMATOHIDROSIS WORKS  
TG: probably not  
TG: but the point still stands  
CG: MY HOUSE IS CLOSER TO A MILE AWAY, WHICH MEANS IT'D BE EASIER TO SWIM ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN  
CG: MAYBE POP ON OVER TO VENEZUELA FOR A SUMMER TRIP LIKE TWO SUBURBAN DADS  
TG: we cant make the kids swim bro  
TG: little timmy keeps popping his floaties  
CG: FUCK HIM  
CG: WE MIGHT LOSE A FEW ON THE WAY  
TG: he is like six  
TG: fucker needs to be more independent  
CG: EXACTLY  
CG: ALTHOUGH WE MIGHT NEED HIM TO BYPASS BORDER CONTROL  
TG: why  
CG: HUMAN SHIELD  
TG: weve got like sixty eight more we can spare timmys lazy ass  
CG: BUT HOW ARE WE GONNA AFFORD A HOTEL?  
TG: who said anything about a hotel?  
TG: sorry babe were roughing it tonight  
TG: gonna get lost in a colombian forest  
TG: fake our deaths. maybe go off the grid.  
CG: WOULDN'T FAKING OUR DEATHS KIND OF FORCE THE WHOLE "OFF THE GRID" THING?  
CG: ALSO I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO VENEZUELA  
TG: aren't they the same place?  
CG: NO.  
CG: ANYWAYS, I'M PRETTY SURE YOUR APARTMENT IS CLOSER.  
CG: IT'S ON WHAT, LAFAYETTE?  
CG: WHICH MEANS WE'D HAVE TO WALK DOWN S. PEARL, CROSS MAIN, AND IT SHOULD BE RIGHT THERE.  
CG: SO IT'S WAY LESS THAN A MILE AWAY.  
TG: not happening  
TG: playdates are a strict no-no  
CG: PLAYDATES??  
CG: YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A GROWN ASS MAN, AND SO AM I  
TG: im not exactly paying rent, man  
TG: besides crossing main at this time of day is pretty much a death sentence  
CG: 1.) WHY THE FUCK SHOULD YOU BE?  
CG: 2.) YOU...HAVE A POINT.  
TG: so we're back at square one  
CG: LOOKS THAT WAY.  
TG: cuba is still looking pretty good from here  
CG: COLOMBIA.  
TG: whatever  
TG: you okay man you sound pretty fucking wack  
CG: IM FINE.  
CG: HOT, BUT FINE.  
TG: obviously.  
TG: but how are you temperature wise?  
CG: SHUT UP, JACKASS.   


Karkat waited for a response, labored breath growing more shallow as he considered having made Dave angry. When none came, he rallied himself to stand up, crossing the two-foot threshold between them and finding Dave typing the same message half-a-dozen different ways, each time deleting it half-way through completion.   
"DO YOU STILL WANNA HEAD TO MY HOUSE?"  


Dave didn't startle, aware of Karkats' movement the moment it began. Cocking his head to the left, he looked disappointed, "damn is venezuela really off the table?"  


Karkats' face cracked into a half-smile, which filled Daves' chest with just enough pride that he only hesitated for a second when Karkat offered his hand,  
"LETS NOT RULE ANYTHING OUT."  



	2. coke bubbles and car troubles

Gasping and sputtering, the car refused to start the first few times Karkat turned the key, both boys unphased by the sheer shittiness of this car. It was a Toyota Corolla, rusted and only half-operational-  
The thing was less an antique and more a relic, having likely chauffeured great monarchs in its' glory days. But here it sat, in the parking lot of _Crab Daddies Seafood_ , taking a good five minutes to start.  


Dave adjusted his glasses, feeling his back pop as he flattened it against the ripped faux-leather, "you did tell your dad you were snatching his sweet ass ride right?"  
"UH. KINDA?"  
He turned the key a final time, wondering briefly if the cars shaking was rough enough to eject his passenger.  
"define kinda for me." It was unclear, even to Dave himself, if he actually cared, but it was a point of conversation they could expand upon, which meant it was worth pursuing.  


The cars shaking evened slightly once Karkat pulled onto the road proper, but there was still an unsteady jerk to the movement of the vehicle, which wasn't helped by the lack of experience held by the boy driving it. Still, diverting some of his focus from the road, he went on,  
"I TEXTED HIM, LIKE TWICE?"  
"IT'S NOT LIKE HE'LL BE OVERLY DISTRESSED AT THIS PIECE OF SHIT GETTING 'STOLEN.'"  
"dude what? this car is hot as hell."  
"THERE'S LIKE, A GOOD EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT CHANCE THAT THE BRAKES WILL STRAIGHT UP STOP WORKING EVERY TIME WE TURN IT ON, SO IT'S DEFINITELY NOT WINNING ANY REWARDS."  
Leaning forward, Karkat cranked the AC, sighing elatedly.  
"BUT OUR CHANCES OF SURVIVAL DECREASE EVEN FURTHER ON FOOT, SO IT'S A CHANCE I'M WILLING TO TAKE."  


Listening to Karkat tap his chipped nails against the steering wheel, Dave rolled his shoulders as though he'd been affronted by his insult to the car,  
"damn karkat, and here i thought you were a man of taste."  
Karkat laughed a low sort of laugh, and Dave (once again) felt a flush of pride at making him smile. It wasn't rare so much as it was infrequent, but it changed his face so drastically that there was a certain giddiness to it every time. Not that it mattered that much, Dave reminded himself, re-assuming his nonchalant door-lean.  
"DAVE. IN ALL OF OUR YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP, YOU'VE NEVER ONCE INDICATED THAT YOU THOUGHT SOMETHING I LIKED WAS TASTEFUL."  
"that is fucking slander, dude. i watch movies with you like, all the time."  
Karkat scoffed, though any genuine annoyance he felt was missing from his voice, "YOU ONLY DO _THAT_ BECAUSE YOU KNOW _I_ ENJOY THEM"  


Saying this was a breach of contract, but it slipped out before Karkat could catch it, prompting him to immediately wonder if he'd taken his Adderall that morning. Such things were supposed to remain unspoken. It seemed a strange encroachment on the nature of their friendship, to mention any acts of kindness or endearment between the two. It had always operated in an unspoken manner; if you mention it, you make it different.  
The two went on as if it had not happened. Despite having procured his father's vehicle, Karkat did not offer to give Dave a lift home, knowing that he would accept. But Dave wouldn't ask unprompted.  


When Karkat pulled into his driveway, the car moaned and shook one final time, the key slipping from the ignition and falling into the cup-holder with a practiced flip of the wrist.  
"you know, you dont drive half bad for someone who doesn't have his license?"  
Dave chided off-handedly, careful not to break the car door as he pushed it open. 

Karkat, already halfway up the driveway, rolled his eyes dismissively, "AND YOU DO?"  
Dave sort of half-jogged to catch up, tone changing to a slightly more chastising one than before,  
"dont need one, what with you around to chauffeur me in-" He made a performative gesture to the weather-worn car, " _the chick magnet._ "  


Karkat punched Daves' shoulder, careful not to actually hurt him in doing so. He'd always been slightly smaller, but it seemed that over the years, Karkat had been through several growth spurts, whereas Dave had only really experienced one. But then again, Karkat guessed he was probably biased considering everyone in his family was tall and wide, himself included. "THE ONLY 'CHICK' THAT HAS EVER RIDDEN IN MY CAR HAS BEEN YOUR SISTER, DUMBASS."  
Dave looked dubious, "can we really call _rose_ a chick?"  


Karkat actively chose not to respond, not sure if he was qualified to definitively define who was or wasn't a 'chick'. He instead rattled the doorknob of the large brown door at the front of his house, pushing into the conjoined living room with no resistance whatsoever. The cool air hit both of them so quickly that it took a moment for them to recover, a voice from the couch reprimanding them for stagnating with the door open,  
"W9uld y9u tw9 mind n9t letting all 9ur c9ld air 9ut? There _are_ 6ills 6eing paid f9r this, y9u kn9w?"  


Karkat kicked shut the door, scowling in his brothers' general direction,  
"OH SURE KANKRI, BECAUSE YOU'RE DEFINITELY THE ONE PAYING THEM!" He hissed under his breath so as not to induce a lecture, kicking off his shoes and motioning for Dave to do the same. Dave sensed the frustration, nodding his head in the direction of the adjacent room,  
"dude."  
Karkat sighed.

Avoiding his brother, who was easily re-engrossed in whatever he was typing, Karkat lead the other boy to the neighboring room from which the upstairs could be accessed. Groaning, Karkat leaned against the wall of their kitchen, feeling the sweat on his brow cool as cold ventilation worked its way through the home.  
"you want a coke o' cola?" The question was more or less a formality since they always drank one after school. Especially in the summers.  
"GRAB TWO, IF YOU DON'T MIND." This, too, was just a formality, as the Vantases had made it abundantly clear that whatever was in their house belonged to Dave, too. He had been around so often that Kankri had even stopped whining about Karkat always having a friend over.  
So Dave grabbed one for Karkat and one for himself.  


Lifting himself off the wall, Karkat began following him towards the stairs, taking the can that was offered to him,  
"still in the mood to study?"  
He rolled his eyes, the idea of pouring over trigonometry unattractive as ever,  
"HELL NO."  



End file.
